One morning last week I woke up thinking about the skin cancer on my chest. I wasn’t thinking about my health, though. I was thinking about my bills. I assumed, since it feels like insurance companies just want to bankrupt us all, that this cancer would bankrupt me. I have a $4,000 deductible, even though my insurance is $400 a month. So I thought I would have no less than a $4,000 bill.
I even turned down a weekend with friends, citing that number and saying I would probably be facing it this year.
Then I realized: I really have no idea. To find out how much something will cost seems so freaking complicated. Do you ask insurance or your doctor? What’s the procedure code? How many calls will you have to make, and how long will each one take? I made myself face it, and found out. I made two calls and discovered that, while they couldn’t give me a definite number, it would probably cost between $400 and $600.
Oh. I had to laugh.
I can handle that. It’s like how I had my 20-year-old car broken down on the side of the road for more than a week. I didn’t want to take it to the mechanic, because I was sure that they would say this is the time to put her down. So I kept finding excuses of why not today, today, today. Then I had her towed, for free with my Geico roadside assistance. They found out that the battery the replaced this year was defective, and replaced it. Bill: $0. Car: fixed.
I have to keep asking myself: with retirement, with buying a house, with any dream or dread, am I responding to actual numbers, or nebulous fear?
Right now I’m feeling afraid. I haven’t had much paying work for the last three weeks, I’m headed to Florida for a conference and week with my friends, and it just feels like the ramp-up to a nosedive. So I’m going to get on the phone with Lindsey from YNAB, and hope she can help me figure it all out, get the actual numbers.
- Earned last week: $730 (Not as bad as I thought, but not great.)
- Saved last week: $200
- Personal Checking Balance: $586
- Business Checking Balance: $2,061
- Fuck Off Fund Level: $1,600
- Weekly wins: Really trying to get educated on YNAB so I can keep my stuff straight.
- Look at all bills due this week: Done
- Update and review budget (I’m changing to YNAB): Done
- Look at any social events where I might want to spend some of my Fun Money: Ahh! Too many.
- Transfer 10% of money received last week: Not doing this, sorry future self.
- Transfer $200 to Fuck Off Fund: Done!
- Transfer 20% of earnings to Tax Savings Account: Ummmmm….