I said I wasn’t going to go to the writer’s conference in Tampa, then I went.
I said I wasn’t going to go to Key West to visit my best friends, then I went.
I said I wasn’t going to go to Beyonce, then I got my tickets.
I said I wasn’t going to go to the Habit Summit in San Francisco, then I emailed my boss back to say I would.
I said I wasn’t going to go to the lady and money retreat in upstate New York, now I’m going to that, too.
“I want you to remember something you said to me,” said my best friends’ mom, Jeri. “You want a big life.”
Then Amanda Clayman said to me, “I feel like you’re trying to become someone you wouldn’t even like.
At the writer’s conference, poet Gabby Bates kept saying things about being the animal you are right now.
This morning, I got a confirmation of a meeting with a writer at the New York Times, so I said YES! as I shimmied and turned around to find my 150 sq. ft. apartment, in which I’m very happy for now. I’m so excited about the people I’ll get to meet at the Habit Summit, and, even though I told my boss, Nir Eyal, that I wasn’t coming, in the end I just couldn’t pass up the free ticket he offered me in exchange for volunteering (normal cost: $1,700)
I set up free housing in San Francisco using my Peace Corps network. I have a free place to stay in NYC, thanks to a tweet out to writer buddies. I’m taking these risks, these financial risks, because a risk-taker is who I am. I’m an entrepreneur, a creative, an adventuress. This is the horse I’m riding.
“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!” ― Jack Kerouac, On the Road
For so long, I’ve tried to tamp down how much I like to talk, to learn, to go out and see. Now, I’m embracing it, and realizing it’s part of what differentiates me.
I have to stop pretending I’m going to let a chance to learn from the top people at Google pass me by. I have to stop pretending I’m not going to join in on a retreat of the top women working in my industry, or miss a session of worship at the high holy church of Beyonce.
You know what you want girl. Now just figure out how to get it.
I’m sacrificing, for now. The tiny apartment, the old car. I’m happy to do it. I can see, in the distance, as long as I keep this horse reined in, that we’re going to make it somewhere better.
Monday Money Check-in
- Earned last week: $1,425 Hallelujah. I needed that to make up for the crappy weeks before it.
- Saved last week: $200
- Personal Checking Balance: $517
- Business Checking Balance: $2254
- Fuck Off Fund Level: $2,000 Woot Woot!
- Weekly wins: I am not giving up learning how to use YNAB!
- Look at all bills due this week: Need to pay my insurance!
- Update and review budget: Done and done
- Look at any social events where I might want to spend some of my Fun Money: I’m taking my guy out to dinner and going to see Charles Johnson this week!
- Transfer 10% of money received last week: EEEEEeeee can I next week?
- Transfer $200 to Fuck Off Fund: Done!
- Transfer 20% of earnings to Tax Savings Account: Done for real